4 Comments
User's avatar
sunil yadav's avatar

Interesting!

Also the benzene situation 😅

For me it is very common that I am in a trail to thoughts and someone suddenly asks a random query.

And either i get speechless or something random comes out of my mouth which makes it all weird and embarrassing 😅

I believe I have a separate drive in my head only to store very specific words/ expression from people in a very detailed state. That I can even remember the exact words, modulation, their eye contact and the thoughts that were running in my head while it was happening.

And I keep fetching those memories as if an archive for deep learning.

One such incident was when I was at a hospital, my grandfather was admitted and I had to spend the night there. There were people sitting all over the lobby and I sat beside a lady probably in her late 40s. I normally asked her for whom she is here for, what is the medical condition of that person and all.

She told it is her husband. He is alcohol addicts and how she has been struggling to pursue him to leave that for years. She opened up about what kind of financial and emotional turmoil she has to go through and she broke down. In that silent hall she cried holding my hand, saying she is very strong lady, she never cried before like this to anyone.

Now I am not very good as consoling people. It makes me hesitant to console people with hollow words and unrealistic hope. I was speechless when a guy sitting beside us came and talked to her.

He asked me to talk to her, I like an idiot tried telling him actually we are not related, I just met her.

On which he replied ( which I would never forget)

She opened up to you, and shared things which she might not has told to many, you are connected.

And he went on to talk to her and calm her down.

While I sat there silent, ashamed.

Expand full comment
Abhijeet Kislay's avatar

Wow Sunil, thank you for sharing such a personal incident! I feel you though! I sometimes find myself in situations where I know I should help but also feel maybe what if I end up making the situation worse. Though I do feel what the other guy did was more mature. Even now, I have started reaching out more to my friends and colleagues and checking up on them - generally - on how they are doing - irrespective of my uncertainty of whether I can handle those situations well or not. Well, the reason being - I don't know what else is a good way to grow and learn these skills? It is not like it will present itself to me out of nowhere.

Expand full comment
sunil yadav's avatar

Nice of you man!

Also the incident I shared opens up another aspect of human psychology.

Have you ever felt the very conformity inside you of thought 'I am a good person'.

It is not easy to admit, but I do get that thought at times.

And I then add a bunch of incidents which proves it. as in I am filing a case with evidence and proof and witnesses.

And in the courtroom being held in my head, I am the judge, i am the lawyer and I have my own selected witnesses.

I put down the hammer and declare myself 'a very good person'.

I then go out there in real world, my head held high. Holding the pride of a certified good person!

Though most of the actions I do, are the outcome of the etiquettes, manners, references from people around me and the teachings of my parents and all other people.

Those are not totally instinctive actions. ( Atleast not all of the things I claim to have done, which are labelled as 'good'. I am being too critical to myself but still )

I am trying to shed those fabricated shells and let my actions be more instinctive. Make my very conscience be clean enough. So things I say, things I do doesn't have to go through a channel of checks.

It is tough though. Let's see with time if I get better at this. 😊

Expand full comment
Abhijeet Kislay's avatar

Haha I think I agree with the first part of your comment. It is hard to abruptly stop the continuous trail of thought that is going on suddenly and move to a different setting. It is like the infamous context switching that people have a hard time to manage.

Expand full comment